This is some feel good sh#t right here…

Here’s a post mortem for you. Well, I wish I was dead but somehow I survived the battle: packing for a glorious vacation (stay tuned for Part 2: repacking to come home). Every father has this same battle scar, tattooed on you like a badge of courage and a wound likely to get ripped back opened to fresh blood at least once a year.

Let’s all just agree now: it’s easy to say packing means putting your sh*t into a car, vacation packing is, apparently, about:

1. the size of your…manlihood we’ll say, based on how much you can fit into an suv.

2. 6 chores that have 0% relation to packing/leaving, and they MUST get done before we leave the house.

3. creating an opportunity to provide your shrink a recording of “how” you and your spouse fight - b/c you will.

4. giving me another validated reason to drink - b/c I will.

5. giving your wife kudos for thinking of every scenario- requiring different outfits, toys and creams - that could happen but never will.

Why Packing Went Wrong

I told my wife on Monday that we were really going to get ahead of the packing for this Sunday departure. Do a lot of laundry. Pack ourselves ahead of time so we had time to pack our son. While I was grinding through the final days of work in order to put up that glorious OOO message Friday, I did do laundry. I saw things getting folded. “We’re looking good, there won’t be much left at all on Saturday” I said. Wrong. So, so wrong.

Problem on Saturday was that there were 1400 items of clothes folded and in “organized” piles all over the house…but somehow we didn’t have any of the right stuff to pack. No, we “needed” all the exact items that we had worn the last 2 days to be washed and packed so…time for more f@cking laundry.

Turns out, you know what’s part of closing up the house for a week? Climbing into the g.d. attic to drain the hvac water pan. And THEN climb ONTO the g.d. roof to seal a couple shingles that blew around in the last storm.

Packing for Dad

I’d like to mention that in this chaos and warzone, my packjob for myself was done in the time it took me to slam 1 negroni on Saturday night (so not long). Men, are you with me? Couple underwear, a bathing suit, some t-shirts and 1 workout outfit (who cares if you stink a few days near strangers). Hell, if you’re a metrosexual I get it - literally grab 5 nice shirts out of your closet at one time, fold them and pack them…2 minutes?

Everytime I found myself wanting to tell her why her way of packing was dumb, unnecessary, slow, inefficient, and keeping me from my peace, I went to the garage. Why you ask? Simple: we still had 472 beach items that needed to be packed, and I had 4.5 ounces of good whisky sitting out there that I used to document every time we added a new box to the pack stack.

22.5 hours later we had everything ready…to go to the car. I’ve since apologized to my wife for the number of times I was clearly cursing and being mean with my back to her, as I walked away out the door with 75 pounds more luggage. But I am all that is man just like each one of you and I used geometry and braun to successfully pack that car without renting a Uhaul.

Truth of the Sitch

I will gladly receive this scar every year in return for the memory dividends it affords me. And I often play the “will this matter in 10 minutes…hours…days…months…years” game to check my overreaction at the door. The rigamarole of getting out the door to a really awesome time where a LOT of good happens with friends and family…usually starts/stops inside of 24 hours. Honestly, the unnecessary drama might even ensure a stronger memory dividend. Hell, I’ve been chuckling about the situation for at least a week while writing this…so dumb lol.

With that said, the truth of the matter is that there are actually ways to avoid some of the stupidity. If you can’t find the humor in the situation, you can definitely save yourself some stress (and so can I, we’re working on it):

• Drink every time your partner adds something to the packing list/chores: You’ll get wasted and it’ll be fun.

• Ship your bags: for same/cheaper price: You can at least avoid some of the $$ or backseat tetris depending on how long the trip is. Lugless.com and shipgo.com can get into the $35 USD range for a bag.

• Use a over-door shoe organizer for kids: Gamechanger- fast, easy and helpful before/during the trip. Proof here. When it’s full…wife’s done packing. I said…she’s done.

• Early warnings: You’re a bunch of go-getter dads, you know this lesson. Set expectations.

• Pack wait for it…sooner: If you actually commit to packing the bags/boxes 5+ days in advance and close them up-don’t look back- everyone will be so much happier.

• Pack like a European: They seem happy (enough) but cars and vacation sites are smaller, and they aren’t getting ripped by luggage fees. They and their kids do just fine. Grab the essentials, throw a little money at unexpected, unpacked things.