Systems & Simplicity

TL;DR DIGEST

Quick hits for couples drowning in their own "we can make it work" mentality:

What We're Seeing: 84% of our couples start with us because they're exhausted from constantly "making it work" instead of making it simple.

Client Win: Mark & Lisa implemented "One Big Thing Per Day" rule - no more than one major task/event per day unless absolutely unavoidable. Their stress levels dropped 60%.

Reality Check: "We can do hard things" is true. But choosing to do hard things every single day is a choice, not a requirement.

Systems & Simplicity in a Maddy Hattie Rant

This past week was my final week before paternity leave. Jam-packed with meetings, handoffs, deliverables, and a household that had to step up. They did, God bless 'em. But then Thursday happened.

Former me had decided "we'll just make it work." Make what work? A calendar with meetings starting at 9 AM sharp, my wife's well-deserved 8:30 tennis lesson, both kids needing school dropoff, new house cleaners arriving at 10, and—oh right—we had to clean for the cleaners first. My most favorite BS task on Earth.

I pushed my 9 AM meeting (always makes me super happy) and we made it happen through sheer force and cursing under my breath. On my way to the coworking space I get the text “your calendar says 5:30p is when you need to be on the kids for me…but it’s actually starting at 5:00p and I need you to be on them by 4:45p at the lastest”. Great day in the morning, you’ve got to be kidding me.

I swooped in for evening kid duty. Wife peaced out with dinner half-done (she packed her day too much too). The 3-month-old immediately crapped herself—gravity-defying, upward out of her ass and around her entire back and neck - situation requiring an immediate bath. Meanwhile, my 3.5-year-old screamed about his necktie "costume" not being "flat enough." I ignored him b/c of blood curdling screams of hunger from the baby…once she was fed she immediately projectile vomited on me (and laughed).

"How's it going?" my wife texted.

"Fine, all good here."

And I meant it. I was a freaking champion. But no one should feel the stress of parenting through text when they get their few hours away.

“Like Hotel Concierge for your local Date Night”

That’s a good way to put it!

Date Night Done let’s you write a few lines about what you want in a date night. Then get back to work and plans will show up on your calendar.

It’s the help we all need to go from intention to execution.

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Where’s the Systems & Simplicity?

That "funny" story above was just life. But it was also the complete lack of systems and simplicity—the two things I'm convinced can save busy couples from drowning in their own good intentions.

Look, we've all been there. Packing the day full of six overlapping items because "we can make it work." And we can. We can do hard things. But what's the actual cost?

The cost is usually your partnership. When you're both operating at capacity, connection becomes impossible. Quality time gets replaced by logistics. Appreciation gets replaced by exhaustion and resentment.

If packing your day with overlapping chaos is avoidable, avoid it. Normal day + one extracurricular item—that's enough for the day. The day you have a tennis lesson or early evening event planned already, is probably not the day to also book service providers and a 12 hour work day.

Here's what we're implementing in our house. Not b/c we are experts (clearly), but it’s what I'm seeing work with couples who are over white-knuckling through parenthood and partnership:

Weekly Calendar Sync: Thirty minutes every week (Wednesday eve?) to preview the coming week. Both partners, both calendars, both phones down. We're not just coordinating—we're simplifying. If we see a day with four major items, we spread them out or slow it down.

Task Ownership System: We've been the couple that believes in "pitch in wherever needed." Great mentality, but it leaves you constantly toiling with no beginning or end. It's mentally destructive. Now we're moving to "these two tasks get done every Monday—Task A is Mike's, Task B is Jessie's." When those are done, the day is accomplished. Everything else is bonus.

The One Big Thing Rule: Standards for simplicity. We just won't schedule four things on the same day and grit through it anymore. We'll keep the unmovable and reschedule the rest. It's pretty doable.

Meal Planning System: Orchestrate, execute, and ride the wave of simple that you've built for yourself. Sunday planning, Monday shopping, Tuesday prep. System creates simplicity.

Choices & Tradeoffs

Like most things, there are choices and tradeoffs. We've got to choose simplicity. It might mean I can't point to a list of 35 chores I did with my hair on fire. But I tend to think my list is going to be shorter, higher impact, and that sounds really good.

The choice between "making it work" and "making it simple" is yours every single day. Most of us default to making it work because it feels more productive, more heroic. But heroics are exhausting, and exhausted people don't show up well for their partnerships.

Systems create the space for spontaneity. Simplicity creates the energy for connection. And both create the foundation for a partnership that doesn't just survive the chaos—it thrives despite it.

🍻

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