Ga-RAGE

The Aspirational Garage

You know this post all too well before you read it.

In my mind, the garage could be my man-ctuary. I’ve got space out there, some cool tools, my workout equipment, a TV and natural light all in one place. It’s not much but it’s Instaworthy to me. Each piece of equipment in its perfect place up on the wall, all the right weight plates stacked neatly in their rightful place. In a moment’s time I can swap from deadlifts to the bike, then over to the TV and a beer from the fridge while I tinker with something Tim the Toolman would have worked on.

But apparently that’s all a dream and my garage’s reality is a nightmare.

Garage is the new outhouse?

Why? B/c I let the rest of my household through those doors. Let’s start with the fact that the garage is my sanctuary but it is the house’s s*ithouse. It’s the perfect analogy: wanna dump a bunch of waste somewhere but forget to flush? The garage.

“Don’t throw it away, I think we can sell it”. “I’ll just stick it in the garage until we decide what to do with it”. “People are coming, stick it in the garage”.

Another gem that is my own doing: whenever the cleaning people are on their way at exactly the wrong time, typically somehow unannounced, everything we forgot to put away in the Kitchen gets chucked out the backdoor to the garage. I’ve literally had to take a tray of dirty dishes out to the garage b/c we ran out of time to empty the dishwasher and the cleaning people had arrived. Don’t they work for me?!

A peek into my garage hell

So as therapy (this is likely “serenity now…sanity later” therapy), I decided to walk around the current garage and inventory the state of the “sanctuary”… kill me:

•  🥩 Sous vide machine - shout out to Anova. Shout at myself for cluttering it up in the garage.

• 🖌️ A 5 gallon bucket, 1/16^th full of paint (dried of course) from 2019

• 🍰 A decayed Pyrex of f!cking birthday cake. Still looks like confetti cake from the different shades of mold. At least I didn’t leave it in the car I guess?

• 🚤 The boat bag, cooler, boat wagon (that’s a thing? Yes.), normal garage things. All sitting 15 feet away from it’s correct resting space 🤦‍♂️ 

• 👶 A stroller, not folded up of course

• 👶 👶 Another stroller, also not folded and doesn’t fold

• 🚲️ A balance bike

• 🚲️ A trike

• 🚘️ The iconic little tikes blue car that takes up the space where I used to be able to stand. Only car in the garage.

• 👗 3 trash bags of clothes that “I’m going to try to sell”…for 11 months and likely have moth holes at this point.

• 🪓 3 pieces of wood our door installers didn’t need but I still had to pay for. I keep saying I’m going to build something with it…and then realize I don’t have the tools or talent to do anything with it.

• 🎀 A box of ribbon, some lace and some other random crafting tools that were used for our wedding. I plan to use them on our 7^th anniversary -  I heard the traditional 7^th anni gift is “box of crap from garage”

• 🎣 3 fishing rods without reels

•  😆 A still-boxed fishing rod holder. Nailed it.

• 💤 An infant Snoo (great product to be fair) b/c where the hell else is it going to fit until the next kiddo?

Maybe next rant I’ll get into all the stuff I’ve shoved up in the rafters, b/c that’s not even included.

Truth of the Sitch

First truth is much of it is my own doing - some procrastination and some is just choosing to prioritize other things. And my friends that don’t have a garage still covet mine even when it’s in rough ass shape…grass is always greener and all.

Now, he also says ”It only takes 15 minutes” to clean up and organize and I think he’s right. I did it recently and I got a glimpse of that insta-worthy garage I CAN have.

And you know what? As I write this I’m in the sky overseas away from home. I miss my garage, and my oxen in all their mess.

Cheers 🍻 

Maddy Hattie

Rant aside: I’d love you to subscribe to Appairent so you have a proactive accountability partner and assistant to help modern dads at home. We can make you a better partner, parent and person just by giving you the same delegation you have at work.