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Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde?
Every guy has both. Can you leverage both w/o entering š side?
Michael Hatfield
October 27, 2024
All Work & No Play
No time for the build-up and want to hop right to the practical, action-based DIY tips to level you up as husband, dad and for yourself? Jump here.
Nope, not (intentionally) a Halloween theme. Iāve just realized more and more that thereās 2 angles to almost everything we do- as men, parents, husbands, all of it.
The whole reason I wanted to build default-action support for parents everywhere is b/c Iām committed to chasing success on all fronts.
š Aspirations in some sort of career
šļø Building something special
š Filling my wifeās tank
š¤ Being a good friend and filling my own tank learning and living
š§ Making as many memories with my kids as I can
āļø Giving them as much time and development opportunities as possible
But itās funny how the brain works. You do too many chores, 1 too many kid/family events and experiences without balancing those scales, and someone else shows up. In your head and in your home.
š§ āhow many more events can there be - Iām evented outā
š³ āI love to see them smileā¦but am I supposed to stop my work every day of the week at 4p for all these events?ā
š āI just need like 2 21-hour days of work to get ahead of this new work project Iām gonna crushā (and then you need 1 16 hour sleep session uninterrupted)
šæ āIām happy to fix the roof and make those 3 quick appliance fixes honeyā¦when the f#$k would you have wanted me to do that in this s!@t filled calendar? 3a?ā
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Think fractional executive assistant/coach as a parent, partner, and person.
Channel that BDE
Donāt worry, this isnāt going dark. Upward lift, not downward spiral is the name of the game at Appairent. How do we use our 2-facedness to our advantage? Let Dr. Jekyll listen to Mr. Hydeā¦and work for him. Mr. Hyde isnāt going to vanish. Youāre a man; itās natural to want your own time, not be innately nurturing every hour of the day, and to chart your own course. So chart it.
Itās your maturity and development that enables you to avoid instant gratification for bigger future benefits. It enables you to compromise and create balance that doesnāt always serve your desires.
Listen to the complaints and desires of your alter ego, and evaluate them against your time and activities. Is he right about what he lacks? Fix it. Is he just blowing hot air and things are actually being executed really well? Tell that bitch to simmer down.
Evaluate & Execute
Thereās nothing here I havenāt said before. But thatās what a good teammate does: keeps reinforcing the few things you need to hear to go out and win. These are just a guide, not rules. They work for me as a good meter stick when I want my intelligent āDr. Jekyllā self to evaluate my the unhinged, maddened āMr. Hydeā.
Person #1
Ā±1 week: Do you have 2 hours for yourself that isnāt your personal fitness time?
If you donāt, drop a block on your calendar and share it w/ your wife right now for a heads-up.
No, sitting in your car at soccer practice clearing work emails doesnāt count.
Workouts are obviously important too, but all my Appairent feedback suggests a guy is at his best if he also gets 1-2 hours of uninterrupted time to himself in a week. He comes back stronger, smarter and better for everyone. The same way we check a hard chore off the list, we checkoff āwe had some me time, now letās get back in family-mode and crush it for themā.
Partner #2
Ā± 15 days from today, do you have at least 1 2-hour block or 2 hours worth of ārealā adult time?
If you donāt, talk to your partner and schedule it today.
Otherwise, most of the squabbles youāre having are simply a symptom of not having some adult-time and getting a rebase.
We arenāt counting the 15 daily mins youāre both in bed on opposing social media apps. Also doesnāt require an expensive date night. You know when you can ācount itā.
Parent #3
Ā±10 days: do you have an intentional block to spend 1:1 time with each of your kids?
Any amount of time at all. Appairents out there have told me that they feel they have parenting more/less on lock, and they do. But itās getting to see each child as an individual that gets rolled over sometimes.
Donāt have it? Schedule it. At a loss for ideas? I got plenty right here.
When our powers combineā¦
My alter-ego shows up from time to time, I think they all do (hell, I let mine write an occasional ranting post). I let him talk to me, and the real me listens with discernment. The truth is an amazing thing. It just is. When my gnarly side tells me āIām not getting enough me timeā or āmy wife is a chore dictator, not a partnerā I do what I said above. I know pretty quickly if Maddy Hattie is right about needing an outlet, or I can tell him his feelings arenāt based in reality.
Have a great Halloween week. I hope this helps you combine both Dr. and your Mr. which turns you Super š¦øāāļø
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