Counterbalancing for a Modern Dad

Man, May kicked my ass at work…and at home I have to say. 4 weeks with ~4 nights of travel each week. Huge proposals with quick deadlines and tons of prep needed. Presentations, meetings, sponsorships, and related dinners, stage time, etc. My extroverted introvert was stretched to the max. My team moved the needle for our business, but I knew there was a tradeoff.

At home we were prioritizing making memories with grandparents, and every single weekend we had visitors. Fleeting moments we are thrilled to make to fill the broader family “value bucket”, but we knew it had a tradeoff too.

The Tradeoffs

• I didn’t get many quiet moments with my son.

• Even fewer with my wife.

• Zero time with the nuclear family I’m developing as a father.

• The only thing that flourished in my house were yard weeds, palmetto bugs (cockroaches), dirty laundry, leaks in the attic, and random crap/trash in my garage (y’already heard this Maddy Hattie rant 😆 ).

Hear me: this is not my “woe is me”, Eeyore sob, griping asshole moment about having family that visits. And I’m not allergic to rising to the occasion at work. It is the opposite. Given all current circumstances, I chose this. Business was won. Smiles were had. Memories made. 100% worth it…just took a toll. 

TL;DR Life Requires Tradeoffs

Getting out of balance and sync is normal. Every nuclear family has a “life hum”. How do you keep all of this balanced, much less balance the time you spend on parenting, your partner and yourself? Sometimes you don’t. You gotta counterbalance.

I’m trying to build out a business to help dads deal with making sure they do a better job balancing their home roles. But during the above, I struggled considerably myself.

What is counterbalancing?

I borrowed my understanding of counterbalancing from The One Thing.

This resonates. I’m just learning myself. And I find myself using it a slightly different way, since the book was a bit focused on how to leverage it to optimize business success. The authors offer good advice: don’t let life “lurch for long” b/c you can “cut too deep” to the point where it’s near impossible to restore it. I think if you have to keep “life on life support” sometimes, a counterbalanced motion will allow your life to thrive, not survive.

Applying Counterbalance

I’m not repping 50 years of proven experience here, but I can share how I’m trying to learn to notice when a dad’s schedule is skidding to a poor ending. Counterbalancing is as much defense as offense.

Rather than a more standard Appairent “play” this week, below is the simplest of of task lists to detect, defend and improve by using counterbalance (progress over perfection people!). It’s an ongoing task list as you work and your calendar evolves.

It’s nicer to be able to manage it all in a day or a week, but it’s not always feasible. Planning ahead- and being able to keep moving items to ensure – really will help you keep your wits about you.

If you’re doing this already, you’re crushing it. If you’re not, I sincerely hope you will give it a try! Even when you’re mindful, it can slip by you, but this system is helping me. I hope it helps you too.

🍻, Hattie