👉🏻📚🏀🎨 Can Extracurriculars Be Too Extra?

Busyness as a Culture

Tuesday: Soccer practice. Wednesday: Piano lessons. Thursday: STEM club. Friday: Travel team warmup. Saturday: Game day. Sunday: Skills clinic.

Sound familiar? If you're a parent with kid(s) under 10, this might be your current reality. If your kids are younger, this is probably your illustrious future.

Sports are great. Extracurriculars, great. I’m not against these and their benefits. Much like I’m challenging if higher education’s pendulum swung too far, I’m challenging are we actually evaluating “why are we doing all this and is how it looks now necessary?” 

So here’s the “dire” statement I’ll pose for you to challenge what’s happening at home: we're over-scheduling our families to death—and your marriage is paying the price.

When Excellence Becomes Excess

We’re all eligible prey to this predator. The same drive that pushes us to excel at work convinces us that more activities equals better parenting.

Ask yourself:

• Are we pursuing enrichment or just staying busy?

• Will missing that 6-year-old skills clinic actually impact college chances?

• Is that $400/month private coach truly worth the investment?

• How many hours are we really spending, and is it worth it for them? For us?

Quick test: When was the last time you and your spouse had an uninterrupted conversation not about logistics or schedules?

Can't remember? You're not alone. About 85% of parents with young children are living this same reality. But recognizing the pattern is the first step to changing it.

So, What Gives?

I’m not going to make some sort of crazy leap. Kids get value out of those activities. When all your shared experiences center around your children's activities, you're co-managing a logistics operation more than building a relationship. There’s a sliver of it that’s endearing. But if this makes you feel the feels, it’s time to balance the scales ⚖ a LITTLE.

Yet ironically, it's the first thing we sacrifice when travel team season starts.

Yes, your kids see you demonstrating dedication through all those practices. But what if they also saw parents who:

• Create intentional time for each other

• Maintain their own identities beyond "Mom" and "Dad"

• Model what a thriving partnership looks like

Adjustments Inside the Frame

Aren’t the fun family activities you used to do vs. formalized team activities fun developmental moments too?

Per usual here’s some practical, actionable ways to tweak what’s going on, not overhaul it like a psycho.  Some reevaluation, and some planfulness and intention baked into what you already have in front of you. A mindset shift and intention is very powerful in not letting your relationship ride in the backseat. 

Quality Over Quantity

Q:“Are we doing enough”?

A: God. Yes, you are. Maybe too much. 

Even if you feel very good about the choices extracurriculars have made for y– sorry, choices you and your kids have made about extracurriculars for the kids - let this challenge live for a moment in conversation with your husband or wife. 

I love to challenge the status quo, the average. And this is no different. My kid is definitely going to try a bunch of things. But someday we’re also going to have no plans on a Tuesday and go fishing when it’s 82F in March and the sun doesn’t set until 7:32p. And my wife and I still deserve - and need - to go sit on a beach for sunset, not drive upstate for practice.

If you're reading this thinking "Great advice, but just getting out of the vortex is a challenge” - you're exactly why we built Appairent. Our proactive virtual service helps busy couples put emphasis and accountability on the relationship through consistent (not daily!) action, and we actually take some of the load as your relationship concierge while you’re doing what only you can do.

Because sometimes the most valuable enrichment you can provide your children is showing them what a thriving partnership looks like. Do that even if you change nothing about your “extra” schedule.

🍻

Hat

P.S. In the comments, I'd love to hear one activity you've decided to drop from your family schedule to make more room for your partnership?