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Beyond Balance: 3 Practical Areas for Counterbalance
With a little planning, you can show up "everywhere"
Michael Hatfield
January 26, 2025
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Putting in My Own Reps
I went a bit quiet at the end of last year. Not because I ran out of things to say, but because I was busy executing on what matters, trying to put into practice what’s been missing while aimlessly pursuing career “success”.. Sometimes the best way to test your own advice is to shut up and live it.
Want to show up better for your partner without adding to your mental load? Appairent handles the relationship planning and nudging while you stay focused on your hustle. We turn good intentions into actual connection, amidst the chaos we’ve willingly created.
You Do Deserve It (And So Does Your Partner)
My wife threw me a curveball recently - the good kind. She'd planned that special trip for my 40th I’ve mentioned - a tropical getaway for me, her, and our boy Ward. But here's what got me: it wasn't just the gift itself, it was how she presented it.
"You only turn 40 once," she said. "And you beyond deserve to be celebrated."
Now, I'm not typically one for the spotlight. Give me wins and success? Absolutely. But celebration and applause? That's not really my jam. Yet something about hearing those words - that I deserved this - hit different. Even with the timing being crazy at work (when isn't it?) and knowing it wasn’t a cheap trip, it felt right.
Memory Dividends in Action
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Remember Bill Perkins' concept of memory dividends I'm always harping on about? My wife did.. She didn't just plan a trip - she engineered an event specifically designed to create those deep-seated memories we talk about.
But here's the kicker - those dividends only pay out if you show up. So what did I do? I went dark on the newsletter. Paused the proactive nudges to my pilot group for a few days. Because sometimes walking the walk means putting down the megaphone and just... walking.
Sure, I snuck in some poolside work during nap times, but when everyone was awake? I was all in. No laptop. No work calls. Just pure, unfiltered presence.
The Counterbalance Game
This ties perfectly into that concept of counterbalancing from "The One Thing" that I've mentioned before. Here's how it played out:
Work Side: Fourth quarter was a bit insane. New projects, market research, pilot customer conversations - going hard in the paint.
Home Side: Instead of trying to maintain a perfect daily balance, I leaned hard into this family time in Mexico as a counterweight to those intense work periods.
The key? When you go deep on one side, you've got to be willing to go equally deep on the other. Not just showing up consistently (though that matters), but really diving in when the opportunity presents itself.
Put This to Work
For the Career-Focused Sprint
When one partner's deep in a work sprint (looking at you, end-of-quarter warriors):
Block 2-3 hours post-sprint for uninterrupted partner time
Tag-team kid duties so the non-sprinting partner gets solo recharge time
Schedule one meaningful connection point daily, even if it's just 10 minutes
For the Constant Grind
Building a business or climbing the corporate ladder? I’m adamant it should never feel like a grind (more on that another time), but try this:
Calendar-block one weekday morning each week for breakfast together
Trade solo parenting shifts so each partner gets dedicated work time
Set a "no work talk after 8pm" rule - stick to it 80% of the time
Now Make the Memory Dividends
You don't need a tropical vacation (though they're nice). Start here:
Take one random Wednesday off together while kids are in school
Turn mundane errands into mini-dates (coffee run = connection time)
Plan one monthly activity that's slightly out of character for you both
The Plan Wins
The truth? Perfect balance is a myth. But intentional counterbalancing? That's achievable with a plan. And that's exactly what we're building Appairent to support - not just talking about showing up for your partnership, but ensuring that your execution matches your intention by being (or getting help being) planful.
🍻,
Hat
Forward/share with any dads that might benefit from Appairent!