Person

1. Get 3 planned wellness activities LOCKED on the calendar. 

It’s Saturday. Go to next week’s calendar now and put 3 30-60 minute blocks on the calendar where 1) there is space 2) you know the rhythm of your day allows the best chance of succeeding. I do this every week and it actually takes 5 minutes. I now know where my health/sanity gets prioritized before the rest of the world attacks the calendar.

Anecdotally, it seems like the first thing dads will forego to take care of “family stuff” is a workout/run. Who is going to do that “family stuff” if you keel over and die way too early?

Less morbidly, you show up way better as a parent and a spouse when the antioxidants are flowing and you feel good! People know it, but our primal brain takes over and does the “right” thing for more instant gratification. That is, make the wife/kids happy instead of enduring difficult physical exertion that pays long, consistent gains.

2. Get 2 hours booked for whatever the hell you want. 

It’s not much but damn it's a start. 2 hours to blow off steam, have fun with your friends, fish in peace, or yes do chores without multitasking. Don’t 💩 on the last one: you like getting things done. Cleaning the garage listening to a podcast and drinking a beer - I’ll count it.

My newsletter will help a lot with this often overlooked item. We often just bypass the couple of minutes of planning or setting planning in motion. I can help.

3. Communicate known dates, times, appointments to your wife NOW. 

Don’t wait and don’t forget, it never ends well. Any key work stuff, stuff you already have planned for yourself that cant move. And, it might require a chat about what you're planning per above. 

I’ll try to make this “copy/paste” for you in this newsletter. But whether you pick convos, texts, calendaring, just communicate.

Partner

You can choose to do this first, but there's a reason I put my mask on: it makes me WAY better at executing quality attention/effort.

1. Give HER 2 hours for whatever the fuq. 

You are taking charge of the kids and she is going out. Or, you’re taking the kids out and she’s staying in. Whatever she wants. And yes, you’re going to do this more regularly than you have been. This is critical for her mental load which affects the peace in your home…immensely.

2. Write down 3 great things SHE did in the past week/recent memory. 

Things that made you say “damn I love her” or “that’s impressive”. I’ll share more hacks on this later - it’s like having a CRM for your wife…20-second activity=invaluable. Down the road, we’re going to use these to do some things that get you the good kind of attention from her.

3. Schedule 2 30 min slots w/ your wife: 1 to listen, 1 to talk.

I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying it’s necessary. 5 minutes of selecting 2 arbitrary evening slots on your calendar pays huge dividends. She feels heard. You learn something. You’re both committed to at least 1 window of time where you can get stuff sorted instead of letting it build heavier mental load. 

For the talking session I like scheduling midweek to plan the next ~7 days.

• You round out the next few days which ends the workweek

• Leads into weekend plans

• get reminder or clear sight on the start of the following week to have it under control. If you can cover longer term stuff more power to you.

Put the listening session on your calendar NOT hers. Calendar the talking session for both. 

Parent

1. Manage just 1 kid activity/itinerary/event you know is on the calendar. 

Now you’re making sure you’re helping with something your kids and/or you care about. And you’re helping your spouse. Yes, and you’re garnering points with your wife.

2. Make your plan of what you're going to do with kids for the 2 hours you give to Mom.

See what I did here…stacking value. Make those 2 hours easier on your and everyone by putting together a plan for this time. Park? Playground? Movie? Puzzle?

3. Schedule 1 family event. 

Family time will pay dividends back into your other roles…and it’s what you wanted when you signed up to be dad anyway!  Get just 1 on the books and the rest gets easier. Whatever you decide not to do in #2, do here as an entire family. If you already have ~1 meal a day together, scheduling that doesn’t count. If you’re still trying to make that work, then that counts.